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Midnight Repairs



 
 
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  #1  
Old December 25th 05, 01:53 AM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
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Posts: n/a
Default Midnight Repairs

Midnight Repairs


He came down the back drive just before midnight on Christmas Eve. I
was out in the shop, about to call it a night when I heard the
unmistakable sound of a Volkswagen running on three cylinders. Bad
valve.

It was an early model high-roof delivery van. Bright red with white
trim. He pulled up behind the shop. As he shut down the engine it made
that unmistakable tinny rattle of a dropped valve seat. Good thing he
shut it off when he did.

There was a barber pole logo painted on the door: "NicEx" A young
old-guy jumped out, came toward me offering his hand. He was wearing a
snowmobile suit, red & white like the van. I could smell the engine. It
was running 'way too hot.

"Fred Dremmer," he said. We shook. He was about my age, mebbe a little
more, but young, if you know what I mean - alive. Phony beard though.
It was his own but too shiny and perfectly white to be natural. I eyed
the get-up he was wearing, took another gander at the door. "Nice ex?"


"NICK ex," he corrected me. "I've got the franchise for this area." He
looked around, noted the tumbledown appearance of the shop, victim of
an earthquake that never happened, thanks to politics. "Are you still
building engines?" he asked.

"Not so's you'd notice." It was pushing on toward midnight and colder
than a well- diggers knee. His shoulders slumped down.

"But you used to build engines," he said hopefully. I didn't deny it.
"They said you offered a lifetime warranty." Actually, I didn't offer
ANY warranty. Most of the engines I built were high- output big- bore
strokers. A firecracker doesn't carry any warranty either. And for the
same reason. But if I built it, I promised to fix it if they could get
it back to the shop. And if the problem was my fault, there was never
any charge. So I told him, "Something like that."

"My van has one of your engines," he said. "In fact, I think all the
franchisees use them."
"This I gotta see," I laughed. He ran around to get the church-key but
I'd popped the engine hatch with my pocketknife by the time he got
back. I twisted on my mini-maglite and sure enough, there was 'HVX'
stamped right where I'd stamped it. It was one of the lower numbers, a
bone stock 1600 I'd built back in the seventies. Big sigh.

"Can't you fix it?" I gave him a look and he shut up. It had just gone
midnight, clear and cold and silent. The on-shore flow had increased,
bringing with it the charred smell of disaster. About a mile to the
west of me a family's house had caught fire and burned to the ground
only hours before. Merry Christmas indeed. I straightened up, knees
creaking, and went to fetch the floor jack. As I moved away from the
vehicle the guy got all excited, plucked at my arm. "Really, it's very
important... " I snarled something appropriate and he let me go, stood
like a dejected lump in his idiotic outfit. He brightened up when I
came back towing the floor jack, a pair of jackstands in my other hand.


"You're going to fix it?" If he was a puppy he would have been licking
my face.

"Nope. You got a bad valve." I got the jack under the tranny support
and started pumping. "Which ain't my fault, by the way. I built this
engine nearly thirty years ago. You've gotten your money's worth and
then some." I got the jackstands under the torsion bar housing, went
around and chocked the front wheels.

"I wasn't complaining... " he began.

"Well I was," I shut him off. Veedub valves don't last thirty years,
especially when they're pushing a van around.

"It always ran perfectly." His tone was placating. And it was Christmas
Eve. Or rather, 0015 Christmas Day. "And it never gets driven very
much, or so I was told." I gave a snort of disgust. Thirty years is
thirty years and every salesman always sez the thing was only used to
take the family to church on Sundays. I got a tarp and my small tool
bag, rolled the tarp out under the back of the high-roof, dug out my
head lamp, checked the batteries. Dead, of course. Began taking the
battery case apart.

"Need some batteries?" He was right there, offering me a 4-pak of new
Ray-O- Vac's. Right size, too. I put the thing back together, tested
it. "What are you doing, exactly."

"Swapping engines," I grunted. I handed him a ratchet with a 13mm
socket and pointed at the rear apron bolts. "Whip'em outta there. And
don't lose the washers."

I skivvied under and got the surprise of my life. The thing was CLEAN.
As in showroom new. No road rash. No oily residue. Original factory
axle boots so clean and new they gave a tiny squeak when I touched
them. But no heater ducts. In fact, no heat exchangers, which explained
why the guy was wearing a snowsuit.

"Does this mean I can finish my route?" He was bent over, peering at me
upside down.

"Not unless you get those damn bolts out, it don't." I was running my
hand over the paintwork. It had been treated with some sort of
surfactant. It felt oily smooth but left no residue on my fingers and
didn't seem to attract dirt. There were steel rails re-enforcing the
frame on each side. They ran as far aft as the bumper mount. I couldn't
tell how far forward they went. "You do all this?" I shouted as I
crimped-off the fuel line. The breast tin had one of my early bulkhead
fittings, the ones I made out of brass before discovering lamp parts
worked just as well. I popped off the hose. No dribble but I plugged it
anyway.

"I don't maintain the vehicle," the fellow shouted back. "They do all
that at headquarters. What should I do with the bolts?"

"Put them in your pocket." I skivvied back out, popped loose the
battery ground strap, removed the rear apron, disconnected the
electrics and removed the barrel nut holding the accelerator wire. I
gave it to him. "Keep this with them." I put the little plywood pallet
on the floor jack, got it positioned under the engine, jacked it up and
pulled that puppy outta there.

Fred Dremmer was impressed. He even told me so. "I'm impressed," he
said. Then he said "Happy Christmas." It was 0030 and I was tired.
"Balance that," I told him, tapping the top of the blower housing. I
grabbed the handle of the jack and used it as a trolley to pull the
engine into the shop.

He stood looking around while I dug the spare engine out from under the
bench. It was already on a scooter. "What happened?" he asked softly.

"Look down," I snarled. "You'll figure it out."

He looked down, toed the gaping crack that ran across the floor like a
lightning bolt, saw the way the shop was sloping. "Earthquake?"

"Northridge. Popped the foundation like a pane of glass." I pulled the
engine out into the open, keeping it on the level part of the floor.

"Don't they offer special loans... "

"Only if you're in the 'official' earthquake zone," I laughed. He
started making apologetic sounds. "Balance that," I told him. We
scootered the spare engine out of the shop.

I had to swap mufflers. His came away okay, thanks to the lavish
amounts of anti-seize someone had swabbed on the fittings. It was one
of those lifetime stainless steel bus mufflers from Germany or England
or some damn place. Cost the earth. He looked around, sat down on the
workbench when I nodded toward it. We were out back of the shop, under
the shed roof. Plenty of light.

"So what are you getting for Christmas," he asked, smiling. I just
looked at him, shook my head. I work best without an audience. "You
want some coffee or something? This is going to take me a few minutes."


He said No; he had a thermos of tea in the van. "Seriously, what do you
want for Christmas?" he smiled.

"Not being pestered in the middle of the night would be nice," I
muttered.

He just laughed, as if I was joking. "Seriously," he said again.

"You want 'seriously'? Howabout a new house for those folks down the
hill?"

He gave me a blank look and I realized he didn't know about the fire.
So I told him. He ended up looking as sad as I felt. "What do you think
they'd like for Christmas?" I goaded him. I shook my head, "It's mostly
bull**** anyway. A birthday party that's gotten outta hand." And the
best evidence of that was right there in front of me, some yuppie
asshole Yuletide delivery service running around on Christmas Eve in an
antique bus. He stood gazing off toward where the fire was. It had been
a huge blaze, you could see it good from the house. Hopes and dreams
and Christmas trees are all highly combustible.

I finished transferring the J-tubes and muffler to the spare engine and
he helped me shift it on to the jack. We pulled it out to his bus and I
started putting it in.

"It's unusual to find someone who doesn't want anything for Christmas,"
he said. I'd given him a pair of vise grips to hold. I didn't need them
but I figured it would make him feel useful, mebbe shut him up. Wrong.


"I've got everything I want." I'd checked the splines. Things were
lining up good. His seals looked new. I gave them a spray of glycerin
so they wouldn't grab the engine.

"That's even more unusual," he said. He was smiling, acting a little
antsy but working hard to keep me happy so he could get the hell out of
there. About the worst thing that could happen to him would be for me
to slow down. So I did.

"People spend too much time wishing for things they don't need." I
patted the red high- roof. "I'll bet this thing is chock full of yuppie
junk, eh?" He looked uncomfortable, passed the pair of vise grips from
hand to hand. "And what about you? I'll bet you're some sort of retired
executive, working a little Christmas-time tax dodge to supplement your
retirement, eh? Bleached beard with a platinum rinse, funny suit and
this oh-so-cute Santa's Helper delivery van, popping up in the middle
of the night to trade on an implied warranty almost thirty years old?"


"What are you saying?" He looked kinda angry. The sight was as silly as
his costume.

"You wouldn't understand," I sighed. I fished the throttle wire thru
the blower housing, plugged the engine back in, started the upper nuts
and shanghaied him into holding the wrench while I skivvied back under.
Did the nuts, torqued to spec, did the fuel line, checked things over,
skivvied back out. With everything installed underneath, I began
putting the engine compartment to rights.

"You mean the religious aspect," he said.

"You heard about that, eh?" I kept working.

"Are you a religious man?" he asked softly. I was connecting the
generator leads. I wanted to ignore him but couldn't. I stopped, rocked
back so I could see his face. "Yeah," I told him. "I'm religious as
hell. And so are you. But the difference is you worship money and I
don't."

"And you can tell all that just by working on my van?" He was smiling.
He was no longer angry but really cheerful.

"Yeah, I can. You've had some sort of anti-stick powder-coating process
applied to the whole undercarriage. That must of set you back some
major bucks. But it's not a car- show kinda van otherwise it would be
all original underneath. That tells me you did it so you could impress
your customers with your shiny, never dirty ride and THAT tells me you
probably charge some big bucks for your Christmas Eve delivery service
gig."

That wiped the grin off his face. "Very astute," he muttered. Then
frowned. "But if you knew it was all just another Christmas-biz scheme,
why are we standing out here in the middle of the night while you
repair the engine?"

I laughed at him. "See? I said you wouldn't understand."

I finished the hook-ups, connected the battery, replaced the rear
apron, connected the throttle wire, wiped everything down. "Go run the
starter for a minute. We gotta prime the carb." He clumped around to
the front and got in. I hadn't noticed the boots until then. Or the
buckles. Ridiculous.

I held the throttle open while he ran the starter. He held it down for
about thirty seconds then came clumping back. "Won't it start?"

"It'll start."

"Shall I do it some more?"

"Not right now." I sat there, loaded a pipe, got it going. He turned
out to be a pipe man too. Some foreign smelling crap. I've got Prince
Albert in the can. I mentioned that fact but he didn't get the joke. Or
mebbe he did. It was about a quarter after one.

"What are we waiting for?"

"For the starter to cool. It'll start now." And it did. Nice steady
idle.

I took his credit card and driver's license, did the paper work. He
balanced the clipboard on the steering wheel, signed both slips without
question. "This is just a deposit," I explained. "Bring back my engine,
you can tear it up." But right then I had a premonition I wouldn't see
him or my engine again.

"What was it I didn't understand?" he asked softly. It sounded like he
really wanted to know.

"Christmas presents?" I motioned toward the back of the van. There was
a partition behind the driver's seat that blocked my view. He nodded.
"That's what you don't understand." He looked blank. "I get mine all
year 'round," I laughed.

"Like what?"

"Like my family." He gave me that frown again and I laughed. "See? You
haven't got a clue. A smile from my wife is a better thing to have than
any of the crap you've got back there."

The dawn of understanding began to break across his brows. "That's...
that's pretty old fashioned."

"Old as the hills," I agreed. "Older than Christmas, too."

Now he got it. "I'm sorry," he stammered. "I assumed you were a
Christian... "

"I am," I laughed. "Of a sort. And a Muslim, if it comes right down to
it. And a Buddhist and a Jew and Inuit too." And maybe a touch of White
Buffalo.

Now he was laughing and nodding. "Okay, I get it. I think." But I
didn't think he did. He cocked his head, gave me a thoughtful look.
"Yours must be an interesting wish-list."

I smiled back at him. Maybe he really did get it. "Sunsets are nice. A
good sunset is a thing to be thankful for."

"Good health..." he offered. I nodded. He was clearly getting it. "Good
friends..."

"That's the idea. All that..." I gestured toward the back of the van,
"...is just... stuff."

"It's the thought that counts..."

"Yeah, but only if the thought is there all year 'round. Christmas
dinner for the homeless followed by 364 hungry days? Gimme a break."

He nodded again, slower this time. "What about the engine?"

"Because I said I would."

That one took him a minute. Then he got it. "Trust..."

"And honor... yeah, stuff like that. Telling someone you'll do
something then actually doing it... That's a present of sorts in
today's world."

"But... thirty years later..."

"Doesn't matter. What got me ****ed was you showing up in the middle of
the night. And that silly suit! Do you know you look like Santa Claus?"
This time we both laughed.

"But haven't you ever wished for something at Christmas?" he asked
softly.

"You mean, like world peace or wishing no one's house would ever burn
down on Christmas Eve..."

He interrupted me with a gesture. "No, I meant something personal. A
tool, perhaps?"

"I've got all the tools I need."

He kept looking at me. "Never wished for anything? Not even once?"

"Sure," I laughed. "When I was a kid."

"What was it?"

Time sucked me back more than half a century. "A wagon," I admitted. "A
'Radio Flyer' wagon. It was about the same color as your van. Roller
bearing wheels. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."

I was five years old. I can still smell the oiled wooden floor of the
Montgomery Ward store in the little California town as I knelt to
worship the marvelous machine. They had it propped up so you could spin
the wheels, listen to the oily purr of the roller bearings. I was sure
it could go at least a hundred miles an hour and carry me any place I
wanted to go, a magic carpet disguised in steel.

"Did you get it?" The soft question drew me back. Overhead the stars
snapped back into focus on the velvet cape of night.

"Take care of my engine," I ordered as I shut his door, stepped away
from the vehicle.

He slid back the glass. "Did you?"

"You're going to be late. Wouldn't want to upset all those yuppies." He
considered that, conceded the point with a nod. He fired it up and
backed cautiously up the drive then went rolling down the hill toward
the road.

I slept late. When I stepped out of the shower there was a steaming cup
of coffee in my favorite mug. Someone had laid out my shaving tackle.
The kitchen was full of smiles and good smells of things to eat as the
women prepared our Christmas dinner. My wife gave me a big kiss and a
bigger smile. "I almost tripped over it when the kids arrived," she
laughed. I had no idea what she meant, gave her a blank stare. She gave
me a playful punch. "Fool. It's perfect. I can use it for moving flower
pots and carrying potting mix..." Something exploded in the microwave
and she joined the fire brigade. I took my coffee out to the patio.

It was parked on the walk under the hibiscus, just inside the redwood
gate. A coaster wagon agleam in red. It looked brand new. It even
smelled new. 'Radio Flyer' in white script along the side of the bed.
The handle was black. The wheels white with thick black rubber tires.

My wife came out, slipped her arm around my waist, leaned her head on
my shoulder. "It's beautiful. Where did you ever find it?"

In the kitchen, my daughter overhead her. "He probably MADE it!"
Everyone laughed. Even me.

"Is this what you've been working on? You came to bed awfully late."

I shook my head, sipped my coffee. My great-grandmother was Kiowa.
Coffee was 'burnt-bean-soup'. And still is, to me. "No. I think it's a
gift."

My wife gave me an odd look. "Who would give us something like that?"

"I don't know. Maybe a white buffalo."

She laughed, hugged me a little harder. "You're crazy."

"Yep," I agreed.

-Bob Hoover

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  #2  
Old December 25th 05, 02:14 AM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Midnight Repairs

wrote:
> Midnight Repairs
>
>
> He came down the back drive just before midnight on Christmas Eve. I
> was out in the shop, about to call it a night when I heard the
> unmistakable sound of a Volkswagen running on three cylinders. Bad
> valve.
>
> It was an early model high-roof delivery van. Bright red with white
> trim. He pulled up behind the shop. As he shut down the engine it made
> that unmistakable tinny rattle of a dropped valve seat. Good thing he
> shut it off when he did.
>
> There was a barber pole logo painted on the door: "NicEx" A young
> old-guy jumped out, came toward me offering his hand. He was wearing a
> snowmobile suit, red & white like the van. I could smell the engine. It
> was running 'way too hot.
>
> "Fred Dremmer," he said. We shook. He was about my age, mebbe a little
> more, but young, if you know what I mean - alive. Phony beard though.
> It was his own but too shiny and perfectly white to be natural. I eyed
> the get-up he was wearing, took another gander at the door. "Nice ex?"
>
>
> "NICK ex," he corrected me. "I've got the franchise for this area." He
> looked around, noted the tumbledown appearance of the shop, victim of
> an earthquake that never happened, thanks to politics. "Are you still
> building engines?" he asked.
>
> "Not so's you'd notice." It was pushing on toward midnight and colder
> than a well- diggers knee. His shoulders slumped down.
>
> "But you used to build engines," he said hopefully. I didn't deny it.
> "They said you offered a lifetime warranty." Actually, I didn't offer
> ANY warranty. Most of the engines I built were high- output big- bore
> strokers. A firecracker doesn't carry any warranty either. And for the
> same reason. But if I built it, I promised to fix it if they could get
> it back to the shop. And if the problem was my fault, there was never
> any charge. So I told him, "Something like that."
>
> "My van has one of your engines," he said. "In fact, I think all the
> franchisees use them."
> "This I gotta see," I laughed. He ran around to get the church-key but
> I'd popped the engine hatch with my pocketknife by the time he got
> back. I twisted on my mini-maglite and sure enough, there was 'HVX'
> stamped right where I'd stamped it. It was one of the lower numbers, a
> bone stock 1600 I'd built back in the seventies. Big sigh.
>
> "Can't you fix it?" I gave him a look and he shut up. It had just gone
> midnight, clear and cold and silent. The on-shore flow had increased,
> bringing with it the charred smell of disaster. About a mile to the
> west of me a family's house had caught fire and burned to the ground
> only hours before. Merry Christmas indeed. I straightened up, knees
> creaking, and went to fetch the floor jack. As I moved away from the
> vehicle the guy got all excited, plucked at my arm. "Really, it's very
> important... " I snarled something appropriate and he let me go, stood
> like a dejected lump in his idiotic outfit. He brightened up when I
> came back towing the floor jack, a pair of jackstands in my other hand.
>
>
> "You're going to fix it?" If he was a puppy he would have been licking
> my face.
>
> "Nope. You got a bad valve." I got the jack under the tranny support
> and started pumping. "Which ain't my fault, by the way. I built this
> engine nearly thirty years ago. You've gotten your money's worth and
> then some." I got the jackstands under the torsion bar housing, went
> around and chocked the front wheels.
>
> "I wasn't complaining... " he began.
>
> "Well I was," I shut him off. Veedub valves don't last thirty years,
> especially when they're pushing a van around.
>
> "It always ran perfectly." His tone was placating. And it was Christmas
> Eve. Or rather, 0015 Christmas Day. "And it never gets driven very
> much, or so I was told." I gave a snort of disgust. Thirty years is
> thirty years and every salesman always sez the thing was only used to
> take the family to church on Sundays. I got a tarp and my small tool
> bag, rolled the tarp out under the back of the high-roof, dug out my
> head lamp, checked the batteries. Dead, of course. Began taking the
> battery case apart.
>
> "Need some batteries?" He was right there, offering me a 4-pak of new
> Ray-O- Vac's. Right size, too. I put the thing back together, tested
> it. "What are you doing, exactly."
>
> "Swapping engines," I grunted. I handed him a ratchet with a 13mm
> socket and pointed at the rear apron bolts. "Whip'em outta there. And
> don't lose the washers."
>
> I skivvied under and got the surprise of my life. The thing was CLEAN.
> As in showroom new. No road rash. No oily residue. Original factory
> axle boots so clean and new they gave a tiny squeak when I touched
> them. But no heater ducts. In fact, no heat exchangers, which explained
> why the guy was wearing a snowsuit.
>
> "Does this mean I can finish my route?" He was bent over, peering at me
> upside down.
>
> "Not unless you get those damn bolts out, it don't." I was running my
> hand over the paintwork. It had been treated with some sort of
> surfactant. It felt oily smooth but left no residue on my fingers and
> didn't seem to attract dirt. There were steel rails re-enforcing the
> frame on each side. They ran as far aft as the bumper mount. I couldn't
> tell how far forward they went. "You do all this?" I shouted as I
> crimped-off the fuel line. The breast tin had one of my early bulkhead
> fittings, the ones I made out of brass before discovering lamp parts
> worked just as well. I popped off the hose. No dribble but I plugged it
> anyway.
>
> "I don't maintain the vehicle," the fellow shouted back. "They do all
> that at headquarters. What should I do with the bolts?"
>
> "Put them in your pocket." I skivvied back out, popped loose the
> battery ground strap, removed the rear apron, disconnected the
> electrics and removed the barrel nut holding the accelerator wire. I
> gave it to him. "Keep this with them." I put the little plywood pallet
> on the floor jack, got it positioned under the engine, jacked it up and
> pulled that puppy outta there.
>
> Fred Dremmer was impressed. He even told me so. "I'm impressed," he
> said. Then he said "Happy Christmas." It was 0030 and I was tired.
> "Balance that," I told him, tapping the top of the blower housing. I
> grabbed the handle of the jack and used it as a trolley to pull the
> engine into the shop.
>
> He stood looking around while I dug the spare engine out from under the
> bench. It was already on a scooter. "What happened?" he asked softly.
>
> "Look down," I snarled. "You'll figure it out."
>
> He looked down, toed the gaping crack that ran across the floor like a
> lightning bolt, saw the way the shop was sloping. "Earthquake?"
>
> "Northridge. Popped the foundation like a pane of glass." I pulled the
> engine out into the open, keeping it on the level part of the floor.
>
> "Don't they offer special loans... "
>
> "Only if you're in the 'official' earthquake zone," I laughed. He
> started making apologetic sounds. "Balance that," I told him. We
> scootered the spare engine out of the shop.
>
> I had to swap mufflers. His came away okay, thanks to the lavish
> amounts of anti-seize someone had swabbed on the fittings. It was one
> of those lifetime stainless steel bus mufflers from Germany or England
> or some damn place. Cost the earth. He looked around, sat down on the
> workbench when I nodded toward it. We were out back of the shop, under
> the shed roof. Plenty of light.
>
> "So what are you getting for Christmas," he asked, smiling. I just
> looked at him, shook my head. I work best without an audience. "You
> want some coffee or something? This is going to take me a few minutes."
>
>
> He said No; he had a thermos of tea in the van. "Seriously, what do you
> want for Christmas?" he smiled.
>
> "Not being pestered in the middle of the night would be nice," I
> muttered.
>
> He just laughed, as if I was joking. "Seriously," he said again.
>
> "You want 'seriously'? Howabout a new house for those folks down the
> hill?"
>
> He gave me a blank look and I realized he didn't know about the fire.
> So I told him. He ended up looking as sad as I felt. "What do you think
> they'd like for Christmas?" I goaded him. I shook my head, "It's mostly
> bull**** anyway. A birthday party that's gotten outta hand." And the
> best evidence of that was right there in front of me, some yuppie
> asshole Yuletide delivery service running around on Christmas Eve in an
> antique bus. He stood gazing off toward where the fire was. It had been
> a huge blaze, you could see it good from the house. Hopes and dreams
> and Christmas trees are all highly combustible.
>
> I finished transferring the J-tubes and muffler to the spare engine and
> he helped me shift it on to the jack. We pulled it out to his bus and I
> started putting it in.
>
> "It's unusual to find someone who doesn't want anything for Christmas,"
> he said. I'd given him a pair of vise grips to hold. I didn't need them
> but I figured it would make him feel useful, mebbe shut him up. Wrong.
>
>
> "I've got everything I want." I'd checked the splines. Things were
> lining up good. His seals looked new. I gave them a spray of glycerin
> so they wouldn't grab the engine.
>
> "That's even more unusual," he said. He was smiling, acting a little
> antsy but working hard to keep me happy so he could get the hell out of
> there. About the worst thing that could happen to him would be for me
> to slow down. So I did.
>
> "People spend too much time wishing for things they don't need." I
> patted the red high- roof. "I'll bet this thing is chock full of yuppie
> junk, eh?" He looked uncomfortable, passed the pair of vise grips from
> hand to hand. "And what about you? I'll bet you're some sort of retired
> executive, working a little Christmas-time tax dodge to supplement your
> retirement, eh? Bleached beard with a platinum rinse, funny suit and
> this oh-so-cute Santa's Helper delivery van, popping up in the middle
> of the night to trade on an implied warranty almost thirty years old?"
>
>
> "What are you saying?" He looked kinda angry. The sight was as silly as
> his costume.
>
> "You wouldn't understand," I sighed. I fished the throttle wire thru
> the blower housing, plugged the engine back in, started the upper nuts
> and shanghaied him into holding the wrench while I skivvied back under.
> Did the nuts, torqued to spec, did the fuel line, checked things over,
> skivvied back out. With everything installed underneath, I began
> putting the engine compartment to rights.
>
> "You mean the religious aspect," he said.
>
> "You heard about that, eh?" I kept working.
>
> "Are you a religious man?" he asked softly. I was connecting the
> generator leads. I wanted to ignore him but couldn't. I stopped, rocked
> back so I could see his face. "Yeah," I told him. "I'm religious as
> hell. And so are you. But the difference is you worship money and I
> don't."
>
> "And you can tell all that just by working on my van?" He was smiling.
> He was no longer angry but really cheerful.
>
> "Yeah, I can. You've had some sort of anti-stick powder-coating process
> applied to the whole undercarriage. That must of set you back some
> major bucks. But it's not a car- show kinda van otherwise it would be
> all original underneath. That tells me you did it so you could impress
> your customers with your shiny, never dirty ride and THAT tells me you
> probably charge some big bucks for your Christmas Eve delivery service
> gig."
>
> That wiped the grin off his face. "Very astute," he muttered. Then
> frowned. "But if you knew it was all just another Christmas-biz scheme,
> why are we standing out here in the middle of the night while you
> repair the engine?"
>
> I laughed at him. "See? I said you wouldn't understand."
>
> I finished the hook-ups, connected the battery, replaced the rear
> apron, connected the throttle wire, wiped everything down. "Go run the
> starter for a minute. We gotta prime the carb." He clumped around to
> the front and got in. I hadn't noticed the boots until then. Or the
> buckles. Ridiculous.
>
> I held the throttle open while he ran the starter. He held it down for
> about thirty seconds then came clumping back. "Won't it start?"
>
> "It'll start."
>
> "Shall I do it some more?"
>
> "Not right now." I sat there, loaded a pipe, got it going. He turned
> out to be a pipe man too. Some foreign smelling crap. I've got Prince
> Albert in the can. I mentioned that fact but he didn't get the joke. Or
> mebbe he did. It was about a quarter after one.
>
> "What are we waiting for?"
>
> "For the starter to cool. It'll start now." And it did. Nice steady
> idle.
>
> I took his credit card and driver's license, did the paper work. He
> balanced the clipboard on the steering wheel, signed both slips without
> question. "This is just a deposit," I explained. "Bring back my engine,
> you can tear it up." But right then I had a premonition I wouldn't see
> him or my engine again.
>
> "What was it I didn't understand?" he asked softly. It sounded like he
> really wanted to know.
>
> "Christmas presents?" I motioned toward the back of the van. There was
> a partition behind the driver's seat that blocked my view. He nodded.
> "That's what you don't understand." He looked blank. "I get mine all
> year 'round," I laughed.
>
> "Like what?"
>
> "Like my family." He gave me that frown again and I laughed. "See? You
> haven't got a clue. A smile from my wife is a better thing to have than
> any of the crap you've got back there."
>
> The dawn of understanding began to break across his brows. "That's...
> that's pretty old fashioned."
>
> "Old as the hills," I agreed. "Older than Christmas, too."
>
> Now he got it. "I'm sorry," he stammered. "I assumed you were a
> Christian... "
>
> "I am," I laughed. "Of a sort. And a Muslim, if it comes right down to
> it. And a Buddhist and a Jew and Inuit too." And maybe a touch of White
> Buffalo.
>
> Now he was laughing and nodding. "Okay, I get it. I think." But I
> didn't think he did. He cocked his head, gave me a thoughtful look.
> "Yours must be an interesting wish-list."
>
> I smiled back at him. Maybe he really did get it. "Sunsets are nice. A
> good sunset is a thing to be thankful for."
>
> "Good health..." he offered. I nodded. He was clearly getting it. "Good
> friends..."
>
> "That's the idea. All that..." I gestured toward the back of the van,
> "...is just... stuff."
>
> "It's the thought that counts..."
>
> "Yeah, but only if the thought is there all year 'round. Christmas
> dinner for the homeless followed by 364 hungry days? Gimme a break."
>
> He nodded again, slower this time. "What about the engine?"
>
> "Because I said I would."
>
> That one took him a minute. Then he got it. "Trust..."
>
> "And honor... yeah, stuff like that. Telling someone you'll do
> something then actually doing it... That's a present of sorts in
> today's world."
>
> "But... thirty years later..."
>
> "Doesn't matter. What got me ****ed was you showing up in the middle of
> the night. And that silly suit! Do you know you look like Santa Claus?"
> This time we both laughed.
>
> "But haven't you ever wished for something at Christmas?" he asked
> softly.
>
> "You mean, like world peace or wishing no one's house would ever burn
> down on Christmas Eve..."
>
> He interrupted me with a gesture. "No, I meant something personal. A
> tool, perhaps?"
>
> "I've got all the tools I need."
>
> He kept looking at me. "Never wished for anything? Not even once?"
>
> "Sure," I laughed. "When I was a kid."
>
> "What was it?"
>
> Time sucked me back more than half a century. "A wagon," I admitted. "A
> 'Radio Flyer' wagon. It was about the same color as your van. Roller
> bearing wheels. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."
>
> I was five years old. I can still smell the oiled wooden floor of the
> Montgomery Ward store in the little California town as I knelt to
> worship the marvelous machine. They had it propped up so you could spin
> the wheels, listen to the oily purr of the roller bearings. I was sure
> it could go at least a hundred miles an hour and carry me any place I
> wanted to go, a magic carpet disguised in steel.
>
> "Did you get it?" The soft question drew me back. Overhead the stars
> snapped back into focus on the velvet cape of night.
>
> "Take care of my engine," I ordered as I shut his door, stepped away
> from the vehicle.
>
> He slid back the glass. "Did you?"
>
> "You're going to be late. Wouldn't want to upset all those yuppies." He
> considered that, conceded the point with a nod. He fired it up and
> backed cautiously up the drive then went rolling down the hill toward
> the road.
>
> I slept late. When I stepped out of the shower there was a steaming cup
> of coffee in my favorite mug. Someone had laid out my shaving tackle.
> The kitchen was full of smiles and good smells of things to eat as the
> women prepared our Christmas dinner. My wife gave me a big kiss and a
> bigger smile. "I almost tripped over it when the kids arrived," she
> laughed. I had no idea what she meant, gave her a blank stare. She gave
> me a playful punch. "Fool. It's perfect. I can use it for moving flower
> pots and carrying potting mix..." Something exploded in the microwave
> and she joined the fire brigade. I took my coffee out to the patio.
>
> It was parked on the walk under the hibiscus, just inside the redwood
> gate. A coaster wagon agleam in red. It looked brand new. It even
> smelled new. 'Radio Flyer' in white script along the side of the bed.
> The handle was black. The wheels white with thick black rubber tires.
>
> My wife came out, slipped her arm around my waist, leaned her head on
> my shoulder. "It's beautiful. Where did you ever find it?"
>
> In the kitchen, my daughter overhead her. "He probably MADE it!"
> Everyone laughed. Even me.
>
> "Is this what you've been working on? You came to bed awfully late."
>
> I shook my head, sipped my coffee. My great-grandmother was Kiowa.
> Coffee was 'burnt-bean-soup'. And still is, to me. "No. I think it's a
> gift."
>
> My wife gave me an odd look. "Who would give us something like that?"
>
> "I don't know. Maybe a white buffalo."
>
> She laughed, hugged me a little harder. "You're crazy."
>
> "Yep," I agreed.
>
> -Bob Hoover


You have a muse sitting on your shoulder, Bob - very well done!
Thank you!

Remco

  #3  
Old December 25th 05, 03:58 AM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
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Default Midnight Repairs

Wow Bob,
I had almost forgotten about your famous Christmas Story. Ranks right
up there with Ralphie being told repeatedly .."Your shoot your eye out
!! " Thanks for reprinting it and I wonder just how many VW newbies are
reading it for the very first time? Merry Christmas Bob Hoover and Merry
Christmas to all my VW brothers and sisters everywhere.



Be Cool.....AIRCOOLED !!

"Wild" Bill Tucker
President
Rare Air VW Club
Pensacola, Florida
'78 VW Bus ( "Old Rusty" )
'76 Bug "The Grape"
'69 Squareback , Arizona car, Automatic

Rare Air VW Club Website:
http://community.webtv.net/stlkikn/RAREAIRVWCLUBINFO/

  #4  
Old December 25th 05, 04:18 AM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
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Default Midnight Repairs


> wrote in message
oups.com...
> Midnight Repairs
>
>



thanks Bob.....i look forward to this story every year...never gets old...


  #5  
Old December 25th 05, 05:43 AM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
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Default Midnight Repairs

wrote:
> Midnight Repairs

Thanks Bob -BaH
  #6  
Old December 25th 05, 04:59 PM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
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Default Midnight Repairs

> Wow Bob,
> I had almost forgotten about your famous Christmas Story. Ranks right
> up there with Ralphie being told repeatedly .."Your shoot your eye out
> !! " Thanks for reprinting it and I wonder just how many VW newbies are
> reading it for the very first time? Merry Christmas Bob Hoover and Merry
> Christmas to all my VW brothers and sisters everywhere.
>


It's my first time...And i like it!! A lot.
Great story Bob,

Roger


  #7  
Old December 25th 05, 05:26 PM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Midnight Repairs


bug '59 wrote:
> > Wow Bob,
> > I had almost forgotten about your famous Christmas Story. Ranks right
> > up there with Ralphie being told repeatedly .."Your shoot your eye out
> > !! " Thanks for reprinting it and I wonder just how many VW newbies are
> > reading it for the very first time? Merry Christmas Bob Hoover and Merry
> > Christmas to all my VW brothers and sisters everywhere.
> >

>
> It's my first time...And i like it!! A lot.
> Great story Bob,
>
> Roger


My first time to read it and I love it! Thanks Bob. And Merry Christmas
to all!

<><
TC

  #8  
Old December 25th 05, 06:33 PM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
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Default Midnight Repairs

My 1st time too !

Really meant alot to me.

Wouldn't it be nice ....

Call me bah hambug but I think xmas is bloated !

Thanks Bob, and merry christmas to you and yours.

Rich

> wrote in message
oups.com...
> Midnight Repairs
>
>
> He came down the back drive just before midnight on Christmas Eve. I
> was out in the shop, about to call it a night when I heard the
> unmistakable sound of a Volkswagen running on three cylinders. Bad
> valve.
>
> It was an early model high-roof delivery van. Bright red with white
> trim. He pulled up behind the shop. As he shut down the engine it made
> that unmistakable tinny rattle of a dropped valve seat. Good thing he
> shut it off when he did.
>
> There was a barber pole logo painted on the door: "NicEx" A young
> old-guy jumped out, came toward me offering his hand. He was wearing a
> snowmobile suit, red & white like the van. I could smell the engine. It
> was running 'way too hot.
>
> "Fred Dremmer," he said. We shook. He was about my age, mebbe a little
> more, but young, if you know what I mean - alive. Phony beard though.
> It was his own but too shiny and perfectly white to be natural. I eyed
> the get-up he was wearing, took another gander at the door. "Nice ex?"
>
>
> "NICK ex," he corrected me. "I've got the franchise for this area." He
> looked around, noted the tumbledown appearance of the shop, victim of
> an earthquake that never happened, thanks to politics. "Are you still
> building engines?" he asked.
>
> "Not so's you'd notice." It was pushing on toward midnight and colder
> than a well- diggers knee. His shoulders slumped down.
>
> "But you used to build engines," he said hopefully. I didn't deny it.
> "They said you offered a lifetime warranty." Actually, I didn't offer
> ANY warranty. Most of the engines I built were high- output big- bore
> strokers. A firecracker doesn't carry any warranty either. And for the
> same reason. But if I built it, I promised to fix it if they could get
> it back to the shop. And if the problem was my fault, there was never
> any charge. So I told him, "Something like that."
>
> "My van has one of your engines," he said. "In fact, I think all the
> franchisees use them."
> "This I gotta see," I laughed. He ran around to get the church-key but
> I'd popped the engine hatch with my pocketknife by the time he got
> back. I twisted on my mini-maglite and sure enough, there was 'HVX'
> stamped right where I'd stamped it. It was one of the lower numbers, a
> bone stock 1600 I'd built back in the seventies. Big sigh.
>
> "Can't you fix it?" I gave him a look and he shut up. It had just gone
> midnight, clear and cold and silent. The on-shore flow had increased,
> bringing with it the charred smell of disaster. About a mile to the
> west of me a family's house had caught fire and burned to the ground
> only hours before. Merry Christmas indeed. I straightened up, knees
> creaking, and went to fetch the floor jack. As I moved away from the
> vehicle the guy got all excited, plucked at my arm. "Really, it's very
> important... " I snarled something appropriate and he let me go, stood
> like a dejected lump in his idiotic outfit. He brightened up when I
> came back towing the floor jack, a pair of jackstands in my other hand.
>
>
> "You're going to fix it?" If he was a puppy he would have been licking
> my face.
>
> "Nope. You got a bad valve." I got the jack under the tranny support
> and started pumping. "Which ain't my fault, by the way. I built this
> engine nearly thirty years ago. You've gotten your money's worth and
> then some." I got the jackstands under the torsion bar housing, went
> around and chocked the front wheels.
>
> "I wasn't complaining... " he began.
>
> "Well I was," I shut him off. Veedub valves don't last thirty years,
> especially when they're pushing a van around.
>
> "It always ran perfectly." His tone was placating. And it was Christmas
> Eve. Or rather, 0015 Christmas Day. "And it never gets driven very
> much, or so I was told." I gave a snort of disgust. Thirty years is
> thirty years and every salesman always sez the thing was only used to
> take the family to church on Sundays. I got a tarp and my small tool
> bag, rolled the tarp out under the back of the high-roof, dug out my
> head lamp, checked the batteries. Dead, of course. Began taking the
> battery case apart.
>
> "Need some batteries?" He was right there, offering me a 4-pak of new
> Ray-O- Vac's. Right size, too. I put the thing back together, tested
> it. "What are you doing, exactly."
>
> "Swapping engines," I grunted. I handed him a ratchet with a 13mm
> socket and pointed at the rear apron bolts. "Whip'em outta there. And
> don't lose the washers."
>
> I skivvied under and got the surprise of my life. The thing was CLEAN.
> As in showroom new. No road rash. No oily residue. Original factory
> axle boots so clean and new they gave a tiny squeak when I touched
> them. But no heater ducts. In fact, no heat exchangers, which explained
> why the guy was wearing a snowsuit.
>
> "Does this mean I can finish my route?" He was bent over, peering at me
> upside down.
>
> "Not unless you get those damn bolts out, it don't." I was running my
> hand over the paintwork. It had been treated with some sort of
> surfactant. It felt oily smooth but left no residue on my fingers and
> didn't seem to attract dirt. There were steel rails re-enforcing the
> frame on each side. They ran as far aft as the bumper mount. I couldn't
> tell how far forward they went. "You do all this?" I shouted as I
> crimped-off the fuel line. The breast tin had one of my early bulkhead
> fittings, the ones I made out of brass before discovering lamp parts
> worked just as well. I popped off the hose. No dribble but I plugged it
> anyway.
>
> "I don't maintain the vehicle," the fellow shouted back. "They do all
> that at headquarters. What should I do with the bolts?"
>
> "Put them in your pocket." I skivvied back out, popped loose the
> battery ground strap, removed the rear apron, disconnected the
> electrics and removed the barrel nut holding the accelerator wire. I
> gave it to him. "Keep this with them." I put the little plywood pallet
> on the floor jack, got it positioned under the engine, jacked it up and
> pulled that puppy outta there.
>
> Fred Dremmer was impressed. He even told me so. "I'm impressed," he
> said. Then he said "Happy Christmas." It was 0030 and I was tired.
> "Balance that," I told him, tapping the top of the blower housing. I
> grabbed the handle of the jack and used it as a trolley to pull the
> engine into the shop.
>
> He stood looking around while I dug the spare engine out from under the
> bench. It was already on a scooter. "What happened?" he asked softly.
>
> "Look down," I snarled. "You'll figure it out."
>
> He looked down, toed the gaping crack that ran across the floor like a
> lightning bolt, saw the way the shop was sloping. "Earthquake?"
>
> "Northridge. Popped the foundation like a pane of glass." I pulled the
> engine out into the open, keeping it on the level part of the floor.
>
> "Don't they offer special loans... "
>
> "Only if you're in the 'official' earthquake zone," I laughed. He
> started making apologetic sounds. "Balance that," I told him. We
> scootered the spare engine out of the shop.
>
> I had to swap mufflers. His came away okay, thanks to the lavish
> amounts of anti-seize someone had swabbed on the fittings. It was one
> of those lifetime stainless steel bus mufflers from Germany or England
> or some damn place. Cost the earth. He looked around, sat down on the
> workbench when I nodded toward it. We were out back of the shop, under
> the shed roof. Plenty of light.
>
> "So what are you getting for Christmas," he asked, smiling. I just
> looked at him, shook my head. I work best without an audience. "You
> want some coffee or something? This is going to take me a few minutes."
>
>
> He said No; he had a thermos of tea in the van. "Seriously, what do you
> want for Christmas?" he smiled.
>
> "Not being pestered in the middle of the night would be nice," I
> muttered.
>
> He just laughed, as if I was joking. "Seriously," he said again.
>
> "You want 'seriously'? Howabout a new house for those folks down the
> hill?"
>
> He gave me a blank look and I realized he didn't know about the fire.
> So I told him. He ended up looking as sad as I felt. "What do you think
> they'd like for Christmas?" I goaded him. I shook my head, "It's mostly
> bull**** anyway. A birthday party that's gotten outta hand." And the
> best evidence of that was right there in front of me, some yuppie
> asshole Yuletide delivery service running around on Christmas Eve in an
> antique bus. He stood gazing off toward where the fire was. It had been
> a huge blaze, you could see it good from the house. Hopes and dreams
> and Christmas trees are all highly combustible.
>
> I finished transferring the J-tubes and muffler to the spare engine and
> he helped me shift it on to the jack. We pulled it out to his bus and I
> started putting it in.
>
> "It's unusual to find someone who doesn't want anything for Christmas,"
> he said. I'd given him a pair of vise grips to hold. I didn't need them
> but I figured it would make him feel useful, mebbe shut him up. Wrong.
>
>
> "I've got everything I want." I'd checked the splines. Things were
> lining up good. His seals looked new. I gave them a spray of glycerin
> so they wouldn't grab the engine.
>
> "That's even more unusual," he said. He was smiling, acting a little
> antsy but working hard to keep me happy so he could get the hell out of
> there. About the worst thing that could happen to him would be for me
> to slow down. So I did.
>
> "People spend too much time wishing for things they don't need." I
> patted the red high- roof. "I'll bet this thing is chock full of yuppie
> junk, eh?" He looked uncomfortable, passed the pair of vise grips from
> hand to hand. "And what about you? I'll bet you're some sort of retired
> executive, working a little Christmas-time tax dodge to supplement your
> retirement, eh? Bleached beard with a platinum rinse, funny suit and
> this oh-so-cute Santa's Helper delivery van, popping up in the middle
> of the night to trade on an implied warranty almost thirty years old?"
>
>
> "What are you saying?" He looked kinda angry. The sight was as silly as
> his costume.
>
> "You wouldn't understand," I sighed. I fished the throttle wire thru
> the blower housing, plugged the engine back in, started the upper nuts
> and shanghaied him into holding the wrench while I skivvied back under.
> Did the nuts, torqued to spec, did the fuel line, checked things over,
> skivvied back out. With everything installed underneath, I began
> putting the engine compartment to rights.
>
> "You mean the religious aspect," he said.
>
> "You heard about that, eh?" I kept working.
>
> "Are you a religious man?" he asked softly. I was connecting the
> generator leads. I wanted to ignore him but couldn't. I stopped, rocked
> back so I could see his face. "Yeah," I told him. "I'm religious as
> hell. And so are you. But the difference is you worship money and I
> don't."
>
> "And you can tell all that just by working on my van?" He was smiling.
> He was no longer angry but really cheerful.
>
> "Yeah, I can. You've had some sort of anti-stick powder-coating process
> applied to the whole undercarriage. That must of set you back some
> major bucks. But it's not a car- show kinda van otherwise it would be
> all original underneath. That tells me you did it so you could impress
> your customers with your shiny, never dirty ride and THAT tells me you
> probably charge some big bucks for your Christmas Eve delivery service
> gig."
>
> That wiped the grin off his face. "Very astute," he muttered. Then
> frowned. "But if you knew it was all just another Christmas-biz scheme,
> why are we standing out here in the middle of the night while you
> repair the engine?"
>
> I laughed at him. "See? I said you wouldn't understand."
>
> I finished the hook-ups, connected the battery, replaced the rear
> apron, connected the throttle wire, wiped everything down. "Go run the
> starter for a minute. We gotta prime the carb." He clumped around to
> the front and got in. I hadn't noticed the boots until then. Or the
> buckles. Ridiculous.
>
> I held the throttle open while he ran the starter. He held it down for
> about thirty seconds then came clumping back. "Won't it start?"
>
> "It'll start."
>
> "Shall I do it some more?"
>
> "Not right now." I sat there, loaded a pipe, got it going. He turned
> out to be a pipe man too. Some foreign smelling crap. I've got Prince
> Albert in the can. I mentioned that fact but he didn't get the joke. Or
> mebbe he did. It was about a quarter after one.
>
> "What are we waiting for?"
>
> "For the starter to cool. It'll start now." And it did. Nice steady
> idle.
>
> I took his credit card and driver's license, did the paper work. He
> balanced the clipboard on the steering wheel, signed both slips without
> question. "This is just a deposit," I explained. "Bring back my engine,
> you can tear it up." But right then I had a premonition I wouldn't see
> him or my engine again.
>
> "What was it I didn't understand?" he asked softly. It sounded like he
> really wanted to know.
>
> "Christmas presents?" I motioned toward the back of the van. There was
> a partition behind the driver's seat that blocked my view. He nodded.
> "That's what you don't understand." He looked blank. "I get mine all
> year 'round," I laughed.
>
> "Like what?"
>
> "Like my family." He gave me that frown again and I laughed. "See? You
> haven't got a clue. A smile from my wife is a better thing to have than
> any of the crap you've got back there."
>
> The dawn of understanding began to break across his brows. "That's...
> that's pretty old fashioned."
>
> "Old as the hills," I agreed. "Older than Christmas, too."
>
> Now he got it. "I'm sorry," he stammered. "I assumed you were a
> Christian... "
>
> "I am," I laughed. "Of a sort. And a Muslim, if it comes right down to
> it. And a Buddhist and a Jew and Inuit too." And maybe a touch of White
> Buffalo.
>
> Now he was laughing and nodding. "Okay, I get it. I think." But I
> didn't think he did. He cocked his head, gave me a thoughtful look.
> "Yours must be an interesting wish-list."
>
> I smiled back at him. Maybe he really did get it. "Sunsets are nice. A
> good sunset is a thing to be thankful for."
>
> "Good health..." he offered. I nodded. He was clearly getting it. "Good
> friends..."
>
> "That's the idea. All that..." I gestured toward the back of the van,
> "...is just... stuff."
>
> "It's the thought that counts..."
>
> "Yeah, but only if the thought is there all year 'round. Christmas
> dinner for the homeless followed by 364 hungry days? Gimme a break."
>
> He nodded again, slower this time. "What about the engine?"
>
> "Because I said I would."
>
> That one took him a minute. Then he got it. "Trust..."
>
> "And honor... yeah, stuff like that. Telling someone you'll do
> something then actually doing it... That's a present of sorts in
> today's world."
>
> "But... thirty years later..."
>
> "Doesn't matter. What got me ****ed was you showing up in the middle of
> the night. And that silly suit! Do you know you look like Santa Claus?"
> This time we both laughed.
>
> "But haven't you ever wished for something at Christmas?" he asked
> softly.
>
> "You mean, like world peace or wishing no one's house would ever burn
> down on Christmas Eve..."
>
> He interrupted me with a gesture. "No, I meant something personal. A
> tool, perhaps?"
>
> "I've got all the tools I need."
>
> He kept looking at me. "Never wished for anything? Not even once?"
>
> "Sure," I laughed. "When I was a kid."
>
> "What was it?"
>
> Time sucked me back more than half a century. "A wagon," I admitted. "A
> 'Radio Flyer' wagon. It was about the same color as your van. Roller
> bearing wheels. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."
>
> I was five years old. I can still smell the oiled wooden floor of the
> Montgomery Ward store in the little California town as I knelt to
> worship the marvelous machine. They had it propped up so you could spin
> the wheels, listen to the oily purr of the roller bearings. I was sure
> it could go at least a hundred miles an hour and carry me any place I
> wanted to go, a magic carpet disguised in steel.
>
> "Did you get it?" The soft question drew me back. Overhead the stars
> snapped back into focus on the velvet cape of night.
>
> "Take care of my engine," I ordered as I shut his door, stepped away
> from the vehicle.
>
> He slid back the glass. "Did you?"
>
> "You're going to be late. Wouldn't want to upset all those yuppies." He
> considered that, conceded the point with a nod. He fired it up and
> backed cautiously up the drive then went rolling down the hill toward
> the road.
>
> I slept late. When I stepped out of the shower there was a steaming cup
> of coffee in my favorite mug. Someone had laid out my shaving tackle.
> The kitchen was full of smiles and good smells of things to eat as the
> women prepared our Christmas dinner. My wife gave me a big kiss and a
> bigger smile. "I almost tripped over it when the kids arrived," she
> laughed. I had no idea what she meant, gave her a blank stare. She gave
> me a playful punch. "Fool. It's perfect. I can use it for moving flower
> pots and carrying potting mix..." Something exploded in the microwave
> and she joined the fire brigade. I took my coffee out to the patio.
>
> It was parked on the walk under the hibiscus, just inside the redwood
> gate. A coaster wagon agleam in red. It looked brand new. It even
> smelled new. 'Radio Flyer' in white script along the side of the bed.
> The handle was black. The wheels white with thick black rubber tires.
>
> My wife came out, slipped her arm around my waist, leaned her head on
> my shoulder. "It's beautiful. Where did you ever find it?"
>
> In the kitchen, my daughter overhead her. "He probably MADE it!"
> Everyone laughed. Even me.
>
> "Is this what you've been working on? You came to bed awfully late."
>
> I shook my head, sipped my coffee. My great-grandmother was Kiowa.
> Coffee was 'burnt-bean-soup'. And still is, to me. "No. I think it's a
> gift."
>
> My wife gave me an odd look. "Who would give us something like that?"
>
> "I don't know. Maybe a white buffalo."
>
> She laughed, hugged me a little harder. "You're crazy."
>
> "Yep," I agreed.
>
> -Bob Hoover
>



  #9  
Old December 26th 05, 05:03 AM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Midnight Repairs

wrote:
> Midnight Repairs
>
>
> He came down the back drive just before midnight on Christmas Eve. I
> was out in the shop, about to call it a night when I heard the
> unmistakable sound of a Volkswagen running on three cylinders. Bad
> valve.
>
> It was an early model high-roof delivery van. Bright red with white
> trim. He pulled up behind the shop. As he shut down the engine it made
> that unmistakable tinny rattle of a dropped valve seat. Good thing he
> shut it off when he did.
>
> There was a barber pole logo painted on the door: "NicEx" A young
> old-guy jumped out, came toward me offering his hand. He was wearing a
> snowmobile suit, red & white like the van. I could smell the engine. It
> was running 'way too hot.
>
> "Fred Dremmer," he said. We shook. He was about my age, mebbe a little
> more, but young, if you know what I mean - alive. Phony beard though.
> It was his own but too shiny and perfectly white to be natural. I eyed
> the get-up he was wearing, took another gander at the door. "Nice ex?"
>
>
> "NICK ex," he corrected me. "I've got the franchise for this area." He
> looked around, noted the tumbledown appearance of the shop, victim of
> an earthquake that never happened, thanks to politics. "Are you still
> building engines?" he asked.
>
> "Not so's you'd notice." It was pushing on toward midnight and colder
> than a well- diggers knee. His shoulders slumped down.
>
> "But you used to build engines," he said hopefully. I didn't deny it.
> "They said you offered a lifetime warranty." Actually, I didn't offer
> ANY warranty. Most of the engines I built were high- output big- bore
> strokers. A firecracker doesn't carry any warranty either. And for the
> same reason. But if I built it, I promised to fix it if they could get
> it back to the shop. And if the problem was my fault, there was never
> any charge. So I told him, "Something like that."
>
> "My van has one of your engines," he said. "In fact, I think all the
> franchisees use them."
> "This I gotta see," I laughed. He ran around to get the church-key but
> I'd popped the engine hatch with my pocketknife by the time he got
> back. I twisted on my mini-maglite and sure enough, there was 'HVX'
> stamped right where I'd stamped it. It was one of the lower numbers, a
> bone stock 1600 I'd built back in the seventies. Big sigh.
>
> "Can't you fix it?" I gave him a look and he shut up. It had just gone
> midnight, clear and cold and silent. The on-shore flow had increased,
> bringing with it the charred smell of disaster. About a mile to the
> west of me a family's house had caught fire and burned to the ground
> only hours before. Merry Christmas indeed. I straightened up, knees
> creaking, and went to fetch the floor jack. As I moved away from the
> vehicle the guy got all excited, plucked at my arm. "Really, it's very
> important... " I snarled something appropriate and he let me go, stood
> like a dejected lump in his idiotic outfit. He brightened up when I
> came back towing the floor jack, a pair of jackstands in my other hand.
>
>
> "You're going to fix it?" If he was a puppy he would have been licking
> my face.
>
> "Nope. You got a bad valve." I got the jack under the tranny support
> and started pumping. "Which ain't my fault, by the way. I built this
> engine nearly thirty years ago. You've gotten your money's worth and
> then some." I got the jackstands under the torsion bar housing, went
> around and chocked the front wheels.
>
> "I wasn't complaining... " he began.
>
> "Well I was," I shut him off. Veedub valves don't last thirty years,
> especially when they're pushing a van around.
>
> "It always ran perfectly." His tone was placating. And it was Christmas
> Eve. Or rather, 0015 Christmas Day. "And it never gets driven very
> much, or so I was told." I gave a snort of disgust. Thirty years is
> thirty years and every salesman always sez the thing was only used to
> take the family to church on Sundays. I got a tarp and my small tool
> bag, rolled the tarp out under the back of the high-roof, dug out my
> head lamp, checked the batteries. Dead, of course. Began taking the
> battery case apart.
>
> "Need some batteries?" He was right there, offering me a 4-pak of new
> Ray-O- Vac's. Right size, too. I put the thing back together, tested
> it. "What are you doing, exactly."
>
> "Swapping engines," I grunted. I handed him a ratchet with a 13mm
> socket and pointed at the rear apron bolts. "Whip'em outta there. And
> don't lose the washers."
>
> I skivvied under and got the surprise of my life. The thing was CLEAN.
> As in showroom new. No road rash. No oily residue. Original factory
> axle boots so clean and new they gave a tiny squeak when I touched
> them. But no heater ducts. In fact, no heat exchangers, which explained
> why the guy was wearing a snowsuit.
>
> "Does this mean I can finish my route?" He was bent over, peering at me
> upside down.
>
> "Not unless you get those damn bolts out, it don't." I was running my
> hand over the paintwork. It had been treated with some sort of
> surfactant. It felt oily smooth but left no residue on my fingers and
> didn't seem to attract dirt. There were steel rails re-enforcing the
> frame on each side. They ran as far aft as the bumper mount. I couldn't
> tell how far forward they went. "You do all this?" I shouted as I
> crimped-off the fuel line. The breast tin had one of my early bulkhead
> fittings, the ones I made out of brass before discovering lamp parts
> worked just as well. I popped off the hose. No dribble but I plugged it
> anyway.
>
> "I don't maintain the vehicle," the fellow shouted back. "They do all
> that at headquarters. What should I do with the bolts?"
>
> "Put them in your pocket." I skivvied back out, popped loose the
> battery ground strap, removed the rear apron, disconnected the
> electrics and removed the barrel nut holding the accelerator wire. I
> gave it to him. "Keep this with them." I put the little plywood pallet
> on the floor jack, got it positioned under the engine, jacked it up and
> pulled that puppy outta there.
>
> Fred Dremmer was impressed. He even told me so. "I'm impressed," he
> said. Then he said "Happy Christmas." It was 0030 and I was tired.
> "Balance that," I told him, tapping the top of the blower housing. I
> grabbed the handle of the jack and used it as a trolley to pull the
> engine into the shop.
>
> He stood looking around while I dug the spare engine out from under the
> bench. It was already on a scooter. "What happened?" he asked softly.
>
> "Look down," I snarled. "You'll figure it out."
>
> He looked down, toed the gaping crack that ran across the floor like a
> lightning bolt, saw the way the shop was sloping. "Earthquake?"
>
> "Northridge. Popped the foundation like a pane of glass." I pulled the
> engine out into the open, keeping it on the level part of the floor.
>
> "Don't they offer special loans... "
>
> "Only if you're in the 'official' earthquake zone," I laughed. He
> started making apologetic sounds. "Balance that," I told him. We
> scootered the spare engine out of the shop.
>
> I had to swap mufflers. His came away okay, thanks to the lavish
> amounts of anti-seize someone had swabbed on the fittings. It was one
> of those lifetime stainless steel bus mufflers from Germany or England
> or some damn place. Cost the earth. He looked around, sat down on the
> workbench when I nodded toward it. We were out back of the shop, under
> the shed roof. Plenty of light.
>
> "So what are you getting for Christmas," he asked, smiling. I just
> looked at him, shook my head. I work best without an audience. "You
> want some coffee or something? This is going to take me a few minutes."
>
>
> He said No; he had a thermos of tea in the van. "Seriously, what do you
> want for Christmas?" he smiled.
>
> "Not being pestered in the middle of the night would be nice," I
> muttered.
>
> He just laughed, as if I was joking. "Seriously," he said again.
>
> "You want 'seriously'? Howabout a new house for those folks down the
> hill?"
>
> He gave me a blank look and I realized he didn't know about the fire.
> So I told him. He ended up looking as sad as I felt. "What do you think
> they'd like for Christmas?" I goaded him. I shook my head, "It's mostly
> bull**** anyway. A birthday party that's gotten outta hand." And the
> best evidence of that was right there in front of me, some yuppie
> asshole Yuletide delivery service running around on Christmas Eve in an
> antique bus. He stood gazing off toward where the fire was. It had been
> a huge blaze, you could see it good from the house. Hopes and dreams
> and Christmas trees are all highly combustible.
>
> I finished transferring the J-tubes and muffler to the spare engine and
> he helped me shift it on to the jack. We pulled it out to his bus and I
> started putting it in.
>
> "It's unusual to find someone who doesn't want anything for Christmas,"
> he said. I'd given him a pair of vise grips to hold. I didn't need them
> but I figured it would make him feel useful, mebbe shut him up. Wrong.
>
>
> "I've got everything I want." I'd checked the splines. Things were
> lining up good. His seals looked new. I gave them a spray of glycerin
> so they wouldn't grab the engine.
>
> "That's even more unusual," he said. He was smiling, acting a little
> antsy but working hard to keep me happy so he could get the hell out of
> there. About the worst thing that could happen to him would be for me
> to slow down. So I did.
>
> "People spend too much time wishing for things they don't need." I
> patted the red high- roof. "I'll bet this thing is chock full of yuppie
> junk, eh?" He looked uncomfortable, passed the pair of vise grips from
> hand to hand. "And what about you? I'll bet you're some sort of retired
> executive, working a little Christmas-time tax dodge to supplement your
> retirement, eh? Bleached beard with a platinum rinse, funny suit and
> this oh-so-cute Santa's Helper delivery van, popping up in the middle
> of the night to trade on an implied warranty almost thirty years old?"
>
>
> "What are you saying?" He looked kinda angry. The sight was as silly as
> his costume.
>
> "You wouldn't understand," I sighed. I fished the throttle wire thru
> the blower housing, plugged the engine back in, started the upper nuts
> and shanghaied him into holding the wrench while I skivvied back under.
> Did the nuts, torqued to spec, did the fuel line, checked things over,
> skivvied back out. With everything installed underneath, I began
> putting the engine compartment to rights.
>
> "You mean the religious aspect," he said.
>
> "You heard about that, eh?" I kept working.
>
> "Are you a religious man?" he asked softly. I was connecting the
> generator leads. I wanted to ignore him but couldn't. I stopped, rocked
> back so I could see his face. "Yeah," I told him. "I'm religious as
> hell. And so are you. But the difference is you worship money and I
> don't."
>
> "And you can tell all that just by working on my van?" He was smiling.
> He was no longer angry but really cheerful.
>
> "Yeah, I can. You've had some sort of anti-stick powder-coating process
> applied to the whole undercarriage. That must of set you back some
> major bucks. But it's not a car- show kinda van otherwise it would be
> all original underneath. That tells me you did it so you could impress
> your customers with your shiny, never dirty ride and THAT tells me you
> probably charge some big bucks for your Christmas Eve delivery service
> gig."
>
> That wiped the grin off his face. "Very astute," he muttered. Then
> frowned. "But if you knew it was all just another Christmas-biz scheme,
> why are we standing out here in the middle of the night while you
> repair the engine?"
>
> I laughed at him. "See? I said you wouldn't understand."
>
> I finished the hook-ups, connected the battery, replaced the rear
> apron, connected the throttle wire, wiped everything down. "Go run the
> starter for a minute. We gotta prime the carb." He clumped around to
> the front and got in. I hadn't noticed the boots until then. Or the
> buckles. Ridiculous.
>
> I held the throttle open while he ran the starter. He held it down for
> about thirty seconds then came clumping back. "Won't it start?"
>
> "It'll start."
>
> "Shall I do it some more?"
>
> "Not right now." I sat there, loaded a pipe, got it going. He turned
> out to be a pipe man too. Some foreign smelling crap. I've got Prince
> Albert in the can. I mentioned that fact but he didn't get the joke. Or
> mebbe he did. It was about a quarter after one.
>
> "What are we waiting for?"
>
> "For the starter to cool. It'll start now." And it did. Nice steady
> idle.
>
> I took his credit card and driver's license, did the paper work. He
> balanced the clipboard on the steering wheel, signed both slips without
> question. "This is just a deposit," I explained. "Bring back my engine,
> you can tear it up." But right then I had a premonition I wouldn't see
> him or my engine again.
>
> "What was it I didn't understand?" he asked softly. It sounded like he
> really wanted to know.
>
> "Christmas presents?" I motioned toward the back of the van. There was
> a partition behind the driver's seat that blocked my view. He nodded.
> "That's what you don't understand." He looked blank. "I get mine all
> year 'round," I laughed.
>
> "Like what?"
>
> "Like my family." He gave me that frown again and I laughed. "See? You
> haven't got a clue. A smile from my wife is a better thing to have than
> any of the crap you've got back there."
>
> The dawn of understanding began to break across his brows. "That's...
> that's pretty old fashioned."
>
> "Old as the hills," I agreed. "Older than Christmas, too."
>
> Now he got it. "I'm sorry," he stammered. "I assumed you were a
> Christian... "
>
> "I am," I laughed. "Of a sort. And a Muslim, if it comes right down to
> it. And a Buddhist and a Jew and Inuit too." And maybe a touch of White
> Buffalo.
>
> Now he was laughing and nodding. "Okay, I get it. I think." But I
> didn't think he did. He cocked his head, gave me a thoughtful look.
> "Yours must be an interesting wish-list."
>
> I smiled back at him. Maybe he really did get it. "Sunsets are nice. A
> good sunset is a thing to be thankful for."
>
> "Good health..." he offered. I nodded. He was clearly getting it. "Good
> friends..."
>
> "That's the idea. All that..." I gestured toward the back of the van,
> "...is just... stuff."
>
> "It's the thought that counts..."
>
> "Yeah, but only if the thought is there all year 'round. Christmas
> dinner for the homeless followed by 364 hungry days? Gimme a break."
>
> He nodded again, slower this time. "What about the engine?"
>
> "Because I said I would."
>
> That one took him a minute. Then he got it. "Trust..."
>
> "And honor... yeah, stuff like that. Telling someone you'll do
> something then actually doing it... That's a present of sorts in
> today's world."
>
> "But... thirty years later..."
>
> "Doesn't matter. What got me ****ed was you showing up in the middle of
> the night. And that silly suit! Do you know you look like Santa Claus?"
> This time we both laughed.
>
> "But haven't you ever wished for something at Christmas?" he asked
> softly.
>
> "You mean, like world peace or wishing no one's house would ever burn
> down on Christmas Eve..."
>
> He interrupted me with a gesture. "No, I meant something personal. A
> tool, perhaps?"
>
> "I've got all the tools I need."
>
> He kept looking at me. "Never wished for anything? Not even once?"
>
> "Sure," I laughed. "When I was a kid."
>
> "What was it?"
>
> Time sucked me back more than half a century. "A wagon," I admitted. "A
> 'Radio Flyer' wagon. It was about the same color as your van. Roller
> bearing wheels. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."
>
> I was five years old. I can still smell the oiled wooden floor of the
> Montgomery Ward store in the little California town as I knelt to
> worship the marvelous machine. They had it propped up so you could spin
> the wheels, listen to the oily purr of the roller bearings. I was sure
> it could go at least a hundred miles an hour and carry me any place I
> wanted to go, a magic carpet disguised in steel.
>
> "Did you get it?" The soft question drew me back. Overhead the stars
> snapped back into focus on the velvet cape of night.
>
> "Take care of my engine," I ordered as I shut his door, stepped away
> from the vehicle.
>
> He slid back the glass. "Did you?"
>
> "You're going to be late. Wouldn't want to upset all those yuppies." He
> considered that, conceded the point with a nod. He fired it up and
> backed cautiously up the drive then went rolling down the hill toward
> the road.
>
> I slept late. When I stepped out of the shower there was a steaming cup
> of coffee in my favorite mug. Someone had laid out my shaving tackle.
> The kitchen was full of smiles and good smells of things to eat as the
> women prepared our Christmas dinner. My wife gave me a big kiss and a
> bigger smile. "I almost tripped over it when the kids arrived," she
> laughed. I had no idea what she meant, gave her a blank stare. She gave
> me a playful punch. "Fool. It's perfect. I can use it for moving flower
> pots and carrying potting mix..." Something exploded in the microwave
> and she joined the fire brigade. I took my coffee out to the patio.
>
> It was parked on the walk under the hibiscus, just inside the redwood
> gate. A coaster wagon agleam in red. It looked brand new. It even
> smelled new. 'Radio Flyer' in white script along the side of the bed.
> The handle was black. The wheels white with thick black rubber tires.
>
> My wife came out, slipped her arm around my waist, leaned her head on
> my shoulder. "It's beautiful. Where did you ever find it?"
>
> In the kitchen, my daughter overhead her. "He probably MADE it!"
> Everyone laughed. Even me.
>
> "Is this what you've been working on? You came to bed awfully late."
>
> I shook my head, sipped my coffee. My great-grandmother was Kiowa.
> Coffee was 'burnt-bean-soup'. And still is, to me. "No. I think it's a
> gift."
>
> My wife gave me an odd look. "Who would give us something like that?"
>
> "I don't know. Maybe a white buffalo."
>
> She laughed, hugged me a little harder. "You're crazy."
>
> "Yep," I agreed.
>
> -Bob Hoover
>


All the best wishes for you and your family Mr.Hoover.

P.J.Berg.
  #10  
Old December 26th 05, 06:43 AM posted to rec.autos.makers.vw.aircooled
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Midnight Repairs


> wrote in message
oups.com...
> Midnight Repairs
>

Snip interesting story in the intrests of brevity
>
> -Bob Hoover
>


Thanks again Mr. Hoover.

Merry Christmas to you and yours and hopefully many more to come.

Charles of Kankakee


 




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