Oil Change

I changed the oil in my 1970 VW Convertible today. While that was
underway, my wife sent me this e-mail message. None of the events below
were part of my oil change. This is informational only. Really.

;^)

Al

- - - - - - - - - -

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
$50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total $4,145.00
(But you know the job was done right!)

And this is what happens when you go to Jiffy Lube:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=wiCAJ8ULnaI

And he
http://www.nbc4.tv/mechanicinvestigation/index.html


"Al" > wrote in message
. ..
> I changed the oil in my 1970 VW Convertible today. While that was
> underway, my wife sent me this e-mail message. None of the events below
> were part of my oil change. This is informational only. Really.
>
> ;^)
>
> Al
>
> - - - - - - - - - -
>
> Oil Change instructions for Women:
>
> 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
> last oil change.
> 2) Drink a cup of coffee
> 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
> vehicle.
>
> Money spent:
> Oil Change: $20.00
> Coffee: $1.00
> Total: $21.00
>
>
> Oil Change instructions for Men:
>
> 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
> filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
> $50.00.
> 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
> 3) Open a beer and drink it.
> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> 7) Place drain pan under engine.
> 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
> Cuss.
> 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
> Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
> and twist off.
> 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
> everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
> can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
> gasket surface.
> 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> 19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> 21) Drink beer.
> 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
> kitty litter on oil spill.
> 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
> 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
> rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
> tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
> skin between knuckles and frame.
> 25) Begin cussing fit.
> 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
> 28) Beer.
> 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
> 30) Beer.
> 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> 32) Beer.
> 33) Lower car from jack stands.
> 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
> any missed steps.
> 35) Beer.
> 36) Test drive car.
> 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> 38) Car gets impounded.
> 39) Call loving wife, make bail.
> 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
>
> Money spent:
> Parts $50.00
> DUI $2500.00
> Impound fee $75.00
> Bail $1500.00
> Beer $20.00
> Total $4,145.00
> (But you know the job was done right!)

Funnnnny Jiffy Lube vid:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PBNXsDYLI...elated&search=

On Apr 8, 7:18 pm, Al > wrote:
> I changed the oil in my 1970 VW Convertible today. While that was
> underway, my wife sent me this e-mail message. None of the events below
> were part of my oil change. This is informational only. Really.
>
> ;^)
>
> Al
>
> - - - - - - - - - -
>
> Oil Change instructions for Women:
>
> 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the
> last oil change.
> 2) Drink a cup of coffee
> 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
> vehicle.
>
> Money spent:
> Oil Change: $20.00
> Coffee: $1.00
> Total: $21.00
>
> Oil Change instructions for Men:
>
> 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
> filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for
> $50.00.
> 2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
> 3) Open a beer and drink it.
> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> 7) Place drain pan under engine.
> 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
> Cuss.
> 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
> Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
> and twist off.
> 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
> everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash
> can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> 17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
> gasket surface.
> 18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> 19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
> 20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> 21) Drink beer.
> 22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw
> kitty litter on oil spill.
> 23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
> 24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
> rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
> tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
> skin between knuckles and frame.
> 25) Begin cussing fit.
> 26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> 27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
> 28) Beer.
> 29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
> 30) Beer.
> 31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> 32) Beer.
> 33) Lower car from jack stands.
> 34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
> any missed steps.
> 35) Beer.
> 36) Test drive car.
> 37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> 38) Car gets impounded.
> 39) Call loving wife, make bail.
> 40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
>
> Money spent:
> Parts $50.00
> DUI $2500.00
> Impound fee $75.00
> Bail $1500.00
> Beer $20.00
> Total $4,145.00
> (But you know the job was done right!)

That's funny but not sure if I like those oil change places too much:

A while back my daughter wanted to have the oil changed in her Impreza
and didn't want to bother me with it so went to Firestone to get it
done.

A week later she called me, stranded. She said that her engine made
this horrible sudden noise and quit. When I got to her to tow it, it
was clear that the oil drain plug had walked out. The engine was
seized and it was clearly due to them not tightening the drain plug.

While speaking to the Firestone manage, he mentioned that it is very
rare that a plug just walks out -- "99 percent of the time they are
just fine!".
After that conversation, I am not sure what scares me most about
Firestone: The fact that they don't know how to change oil or that
they have actual statistics of their incompetence.. (1 in 100 cars
will clearly die after being serviced there)

They changed the engine but guess what:
A couple of months later the four bolts that hold the driveplate in
walked out!! Instead of bringing it back to them and have them
firestone it up further, I yanked the engine and did the work myself.

Oil change places hire people that worked the previous week at
McDonalds.

Ahhh Firestoned it up huh... I told the monkey mechanic at Firestone NOT to
use the lift AND not to use the 50 billion foot ton impact wrench on my
EMPI 5 spokes... well they ignored me and dented up my floor pan AND pulled
the studs right out of the drums when changing tires on my '66. Their
solution... order new STOCK wheel bolts... which WILL NOT fit EMPI 5 spokes.
What a bunch of maroons. I just never went back for them to try to install
the stock bolts into my drums. Lesson learned. But I will take the rims
ONLY to them next time I need tires. They normally stock 4 of the size I
need. only ones in town that do.

--
vwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvw
dragenwagen
1966 Type I
http://www.ramva.org/dragenwagen
"Old VW"s don't leak oil, they mark their territory."
vwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvw


> A while back my daughter wanted to have the oil changed in her Impreza
> and didn't want to bother me with it so went to Firestone to get it
> done.
>
> A week later she called me, stranded. She said that her engine made
> this horrible sudden noise and quit. When I got to her to tow it, it
> was clear that the oil drain plug had walked out. The engine was
> seized and it was clearly due to them not tightening the drain plug.
>
> While speaking to the Firestone manage, he mentioned that it is very
> rare that a plug just walks out -- "99 percent of the time they are
> just fine!".
> After that conversation, I am not sure what scares me most about
> Firestone: The fact that they don't know how to change oil or that
> they have actual statistics of their incompetence.. (1 in 100 cars
> will clearly die after being serviced there)
>
> They changed the engine but guess what:
> A couple of months later the four bolts that hold the driveplate in
> walked out!! Instead of bringing it back to them and have them
> firestone it up further, I yanked the engine and did the work myself.
>
> Oil change places hire people that worked the previous week at
> McDonalds.
>

While speaking to the Firestone manage, he mentioned that it is very
rare that a plug just walks out -- "99 percent of the time they are
just fine!".

wow that's rough. How many cars do they service a month? 1% out of
which would have an oil plug coming out?

Anton

On Apr 9, 10:27 pm, "dragenwagen" > wrote:
> Ahhh Firestoned it up huh... I told the monkey mechanic at Firestone NOT to
> use the lift AND not to use the 50 billion foot ton impact wrench on my
> EMPI 5 spokes... well they ignored me and dented up my floor pan AND pulled
> the studs right out of the drums when changing tires on my '66. Their
> solution... order new STOCK wheel bolts... which WILL NOT fit EMPI 5 spokes.
> What a bunch of maroons. I just never went back for them to try to install
> the stock bolts into my drums. Lesson learned. But I will take the rims
> ONLY to them next time I need tires. They normally stock 4 of the size I
> need. only ones in town that do.
>
> --
> vwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvw
> dragenwagen
> 1966 Type Ihttp://www.ramva.org/dragenwagen
> "Old VW"s don't leak oil, they mark their territory."
> vwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvwvw
>
> > A while back my daughter wanted to have the oil changed in her Impreza
> > and didn't want to bother me with it so went to Firestone to get it
> > done.
>
> > A week later she called me, stranded. She said that her engine made
> > this horrible sudden noise and quit. When I got to her to tow it, it
> > was clear that the oil drain plug had walked out. The engine was
> > seized and it was clearly due to them not tightening the drain plug.
>
> > While speaking to the Firestone manage, he mentioned that it is very
> > rare that a plug just walks out -- "99 percent of the time they are
> > just fine!".
> > After that conversation, I am not sure what scares me most about
> > Firestone: The fact that they don't know how to change oil or that
> > they have actual statistics of their incompetence.. (1 in 100 cars
> > will clearly die after being serviced there)
>
> > They changed the engine but guess what:
> > A couple of months later the four bolts that hold the driveplate in
> > walked out!! Instead of bringing it back to them and have them
> > firestone it up further, I yanked the engine and did the work myself.
>
> > Oil change places hire people that worked the previous week at
> > McDonalds.

On Apr 10, 6:50 pm, "anton" > wrote:
> While speaking to the Firestone manage, he mentioned that it is very
> rare that a plug just walks out -- "99 percent of the time they are
> just fine!".
>
> wow that's rough. How many cars do they service a month? 1% out of
> which would have an oil plug coming out?
>
> Anton
>
> On Apr 9, 10:27 pm, "dragenwagen" > wrote:
>
Exactly - that was my point as well.
If one somehow keeps statistics on screwups and decides that 1/100 is
a rare occurance, customers should be very worried.